What happened to youth sports?

Normally my summers are spent in the sun supporting my children in baseball and softball.  This summer is no different, except that we are now cheering for a different team. You may think that it's not too unusual to be on a "new" team, however, the circumstances leading up to this change have been life altering, and I am plagued with the question "What happened to youth sports?"

My husband and I have been involved in youth sports since my daughter was 4.She has been involved with soccer, softball, gymnastics, and swimming. Her love for softball was stronger than the other sports and she decided to pursue only this sport.  My son on the other hand has been part of baseball for the last 5 years. Recently, he added judo and has dabbled in running and swimming as well. But his passion right now, is definitely baseball.

For both of my children, they love the game, but more importantly they have formed strong bonds and friendships on the field.  This leads me back to the "change" of team this summer and my question about youth sports.  My daughter was an inaugural member of her team with girls born in 2000. My husband was the first and only head coach and I was the team mom/manager/ everything else.  We started out with a lot of raw girls.  Several girls had only played one season prior to joining this team. Some girls were younger and a couple were older.  They came to us with different skills and abilities and for that first season, I'm pretty sure we lost more games than we won.  However, we bonded a lot and the girls grew and learned to support one another.

This team morphed into another team, with the expansion of our team's club.  It went from two teams to 5 within a matter of months.  We were able to pick up girls that were all born in 2000 and that first summer season, our girls finally had a winning record and placed first in a tournament.  It was such a transformation and the girls and our families continued to grow and support one another.  We continued in this fashion with the girls excelling not only in the game, but in school as well. My husband stressed the importance of hard work and strong character. They were out on the field to play hard and have fun.  He was always proud of their accomplishments, as long as they put their best effort forward. My husband is someone of integrity. He is efficient, competent and focused.  He put all of his energies into supporting the girls and coaching staff as well as into preparing the team with various drills and skills  and plays.

Fast forward three years and our team was cohesive. The girls communicated well with one another and considered each other BFFs in every aspect of the term.   My daughter forged great bonds with many of the girls, writing letters, taking pictures, sleeping over and sharing many special memories with each teammate, sister.  But apparently this was not enough.

After the state tournament in May, parents decided to hold a meeting without the head coach, my husband. One parent initiated this meeting and to this day, we are not privy to the entirety of this meeting. Concerns were brought up and finally shared with my husband the day after their secret meeting.  Like I said, we will never know the truth, since from this point on we have heard bits and pieces from a few people.  What I can surmise from the bits and pieces though amounts to this: one parent was unhappy and felt that her daughter was not getting the full benefit of what the club could offer. Her daughter was very sensitive and her daughter did not feel confident. Apparently this parent, chose to be the spokesperson to the president of the club (again not even address the head coach) and state that the team would quit if my husband stayed as coach.  At the time, we believed that everyone on the team was unhappy and so my husband chose to step down. However, what unfolded in the events that followed was more drama. What was once believed to be her word as the team's word was no longer true. There were few parents that spoke out in defense and there were others who chose to stay silent.  We had parents email us and call us in support, yet they didn't do so when it mattered. They let one dominant parent speak for the group and change their intent and ultimately break the bonds formed between my daughter and her friends. Of course, in the meantime, this parent was the very one who proclaimed love and friendship for us and was truly sorry that we were hurt or felt betrayed.  After all it wasn't personal.

Well lady, it definitely was personal because you made invalid attacks on my family. You lied via email saying my daughter was welcome on the team and then you called the president of the club to say my daughter should not be on the team.  All but two people reached out to us by phone and in person.  The others were either to ashamed or cowardly to say a word to us and chose email or some chose to not say anything at all.  After all the birthdays I celebrated for each girl on the team, get will wishes, good luck and going ways presents I put together, not one person said a kind word or sent a loving note to my daughter.

My husband as the head coach worked tirelessly, coming to practice early to set up and staying late after to clean up. Maybe one other parent stayed to help.  It sucks to know that your genuine hard work and effort goes unnoticed and totally devalued all because of what's become of youth sports. Gone are the days of competition. Let's celebrate your participation instead... rather than work on your mistakes, let's say "good job" and "good try."  Give me a break. It's a game and there are going to be winners and losers. The coach is there to facilitate the wins and losses.  Work with the team to win graciously with humility and lose with dignity and grace.  It is the parents' and players' job to work hard and put forth 100% all the time for the two hours on the field.  It's the parents' and players' responsibility to listen and learn, grow and apply, practice on their own.  No one gets better if they work at it once a week.  it is the parents' and players' job to get to practice on time and not to miss practice because they have something better to do or they were too tired.  It is the parents' responsibility to communicate their concerns in a civil manner with the coach directly, not to go behind his or her back.

Parents of young athletes feel it is a right that their child play every position or bat fourth in the lineup or never sit out as a sub, even when their child is not as skilled or didn't put forth the effort.  Parents of young athletes listen to their child rather than witness first hand, when dropping their child off for two hours of baby sitting.  And then parents make every attempt to criticize every other player but their own child or the coach.

There are truly only a few people who realize what it takes to be a coach and a leader. The time and effort that goes into making sure the ENTIRE team learns something and that everyone has a shot.  The coach can not only look out for his/her own child, he/she looks out for the good of the team. How nice it would be to be a parent on the side just focusing all attention on one child rather that 12 children and their 24 parents.

After the experience this summer, I have opened my eyes to the insanity of youth sports and the parents who continue to make it crazy. Do they even remember why they are here? It's about the kids. It's not about reliving your own glory days or giving false praise just so your child won't feel sad.  It's about making connections and applications to the real world, working as a team and trusting your team.  I guess parent just doesn't get it.

But I do.